The String Cheese Incident

The introvert musings and hilariously true life adventures of a pragmatic optimist and professional writer.

The String Cheese Incident

(As in actual string cheese, not the band.)

I’ve always been a bit of an outlier, but my friends like and accept me anyway, so I tend to just roll with it because, well, I’m me. A lot of my uniqueness stems from the random stuff that happens to me. Theoretically, it could happen to anyone, but it doesn’t…it happens to me.

For instance, the other day, I was going on my first first date in a couple of years with someone I found interesting. (No pressure.) I was a little nervous and food wasn’t my friend, but I knew I needed to eat something, so I grabbed a string cheese at Starbucks to eat after drinking my triple dry cappuccino. Instead, I spilled that all over the driver’s seat of my car (while sitting in it) and forgot about the cheese.

Later that evening, I went to meet my date and got there early. So I decided to pop into Sephora because it was next door and gigantic. The second I walked through the door, I saw that they had Tom Ford sample perfumes. Usually you can’t even buy Tom Ford in the store, never mind try it, so I was borderline giddy.

In my euphoric state, I realized that they had his new (!!!), just-released fragrance and made a valiant attempt to use it. I say “attempt” because what actually happened was that the nozzle malfunctioned at the exact moment the cute gay Sephora guy walked over and said, “Hi Gorgeous, anything I can help you with?” while batting his lashes at me and watching me pour $200 perfume all over myself. I blushed and said, “Nah, I got this.”

He laughed and told me I was doing just fine, no big deal. (Phew.) After chatting for a minute, I remembered it had been days since I’d seen my favorite NARS lip pencil. He led me to the NARS section and a girl named McKenzie, who didn’t flinch when I said, “I think I lost my Sex Machine.” (Yes, that’s a real a lip color.) She started to hand me one, and I said, “Wait, lemme make sure I didn’t stash it in my wallet.”

So I opened my wallet and pulled out…a warm, floppy string cheese. We both laughed, and when I offered it to her and said, “Snack?” she laughed even harder and said, “Okay, what the hell?!” I explained and tossed the cheese in the trash. (Seriously…this is on camera somewhere.) We chatted about life and were BFF’s by the time I left feeling calm and smelling amazing. Because…Sephora.

There were at least three hiccups during what should’ve been a straightforward experience, and that was in 15 minutes! The date, by the way, went fine, but I probably won’t smell as good on my next one.


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